Ups and Downs

I am blessed. There is really no other way to put it when it comes to describing my life these past three years. God has truly been faithful to me in more ways than I could possibly even attempt to comprehend. It has been my own foolishness and lack of wisdom that has created the "lows." Putting things, even people above Christ has only lead to discontent and heartbreak. and to think at the time I was surprised. yes, no shocker here, but theres the rub. breaking myself and fully letting go. At some point in life I developed a death grip on the things that I care about, people included, but Christ calls us to leave everything to follow him, because he is all we need. Let the dead bury their own dead. In reflection, the reason that I decided to pack up and move to Texas my freshman year was because I wanted to start over. Yes I wanted a clean slate, the ability to reinvent myself and to escape from my past failures. What I discovered was that I really did not change. I became the exact same person I was at home,and I found that had made a mistake in leaving behind the people who cared about me and had helped me through life. The moral of the story, running away doesnt really solve anything, sure its a change of scenery but peace of mind can not be found until you take the time to face problems. Trying to solve things you your own however is also a big FAIL. Christ has really made me feel this one. oh perfect and righteous justice, how you make your presence felt. Some failed relationships have left me scarred, I never was a quick healer, but there is something to be learned from failure, school of hard knocks as it were. I am finally beginning to realize that I do not need to be in a relationship, and I may never be blessed with a spouse. This has not made me depressed or given me a feeling of hopelessness but rather peace has taken the place of heartbreak. feelings of loneliness lead to prayers for my future spouse. And now for some Bradley Hathaway. I want to be loved and have love and give love.

And not just that romantic kind either. Although I am looking for that beauty. Not helpless, but wants to be rescued. The damsel in distress, man, woman, myth, true. I will fight for her, climb the highest tower for her, love her, share with her, delight in her, be her warrior, her protector. She will be my crown and I will be hers. My masculinity will be passed down and affirmed to my sons. And each of my daughters will know they are lovely, and deserving of authentic romance.
RANDOM Something that has been on my mind lately is the stark contrast between the phrases "live one day at a time" and "the farsighted see better things" where is the line between living for the day because tomorrow is not promised and planning ahead?